anonymous help

[Darktaint]

Topic Title:: Disclosing Sexual Preference

“Being the only child of a single father; I've always been given the princess treatment. My father has made so many admirable sacrifices; including putting up with some unspeakable things I’ve done in the past that has affected him financially to which I am grateful and obliged to. Just a side note, it’s all in the past, we’re doing great with his new job and I’m managing my own side of the living expenses in the household but I have a dilemma. I’m 21 and I’ve been going out with a female companion for the last 2 years and of course we’ve shared our moments but feel a bit uncomfortable hiding this from our families.

With the above being said, how does one go about disclosing ones sexual preference to a parent being a single child? “

Any advice would be welcome thanks guys

[Zinrius]

If you mean the world to him; do you really think he'd love you any different if he knew ?

If I was you, I would just sit down over some tea and discuss it. Slowly slip it into conversation.

[makkaal]

I agree with Zin. One could always "test" the father's stance on one's preference without going full monty on it.

What I don't understand is how being a single child and him being a single father makes the situation any different from other family structures. That's why I'm pointing out it depends more on the father's opinion on the issue itself. I'm assuming that the author is female because it's never mentioned in the text...

I don't see the choices of the dilemma, though. Also, if the father agrees, everything's dandy. If he doesn't, apart from the break in the relationship, at least she's independent (since a new place to live can always be found). She's an adult, this is her deal.

[ryn44]

it's really tough to say without knowing your father at all. I always assumed you were a guy so this is kind of odd to begin with. but in any case I have many lesbian friends and not a one of them has a story about it being comfortable to tell their parents what was up. it's gonna be tough and it's going to be wierd but you just have to remember that there are other people who are standing behind you and who will always stand behind you with your lifestyle, in the end your family will be one of those people. even if they don't understand at first your true loved ones will come around. and if they already understand and feel like it's fine with them then it just makes it all the better.
I wish you the best of luck and if things don't go totally well remember that you have friends to help you through the tough times. most of the time these days I feel like things do go well, as uncomfortable as they may be at first most people find that they are overthinking the situation and their parental figure or figures are completely understanding.

[Zinrius]

*snip*

I'm pretty sure Darktaint is posting anonymously for another user

[ryn44]

*snip*

I'm pretty sure Darktaint is posting anonymously for another user

yeah i noticed the quotes after i posted

[Minazen]

I agree with Zin. One could always "test" the father's stance on one's preference without going full monty on it.

What I don't understand is how being a single child and him being a single father makes the situation any different from other family structures. That's why I'm pointing out it depends more on the father's opinion on the issue itself. I'm assuming that the author is female because it's never mentioned in the text...

I don't see the choices of the dilemma, though. Also, if the father agrees, everything's dandy. If he doesn't, apart from the break in the relationship, at least she's independent (since a new place to live can always be found). She's an adult, this is her deal.

Being the only child means quite a bit considering that this said father was dreaming of eventually having grandchildren of his own. If his only source grandchildren was 1 child and this child decides to turn pink, what then ? It plays a role in the aftermath.

[DuplicateValue]

A lot of it depends on what kind of view he has on same-sex relationships. If he's the accepting type and doesn't mind what life-choices people make, then it might be the best idea to just get it out in the open and hope for the best. After all, he's your dad, and he's not going to hate you for it. At most, it'll be awkward for a little (he might need time to let it sink in), but that should pass.

Of course, if he's the sort who might see something wrong with same-sex relationships, then you'll need to approach it much gentler. Subtly exploring the subject in conversation from time to time might help you gauge what reaction he would have if you came out and told him.

What I don't understand is how being a single child and him being a single father makes the situation any different from other family structures. That's why I'm pointing out it depends more on the father's opinion on the issue itself. I'm assuming that the author is female because it's never mentioned in the text...

Being an only child, it's generally expected that you'd be the one to carry on the bloodline. It might not seem like a big thing, but to some people (especially those from more traditional families) it can be quite important. So it might be a little bit tougher for the parent to digest when they find out.
I'm not sure what difference him being a single parent might make, except perhaps that he might feel like a sort of trust had been broken from her not telling him, especially after so long. And if it's just been the two of them all these years, I'd expect them to be close.

(EDIT: Heh, I was ninja'd on this point)

At the end of the day, we don't know what the situation is like exactly - we know nothing of your father's personality or the relationship between you. So really, you're the best judge in this situation. Do whatever you think is the best way to approach it.

[Wildwill002]

This reminds me of what my life studies teacher told me once.

He had a younger brother that was gay but hadn't yet come out to his father until about 19.
before that time his father had been the sort of bloke that would punch someones lights out for calling his son gay.
Now, apparently, he is the complete opposite and punches peoples lights out for taking the mickey out of gay people.

[makkaal]

Being the only child means quite a bit considering that this said father was dreaming of eventually having grandchildren of his own. If his only source grandchildren was 1 child and this child decides to turn pink, what then ? It plays a role in the aftermath.

Being an only child, it's generally expected that you'd be the one to carry on the bloodline. It might not seem like a big thing, but to some people (especially those from more traditional families) it can be quite important.

Well, since she didn't mention this, I didn't think of it. Not every man has that wish and I don't like assuming things about people I don't know. And to be honest, if my family was that traditional, I'd be more scared of my father possibly reacting harshly to my sexual preference rather than my inability to "carry the bloodline". (Yes, I'm implying prejudice here, which may be a bold move.) After all, in this day and age, there's different ways to have kids than the traditional way.

However, the two of you have a good point. This is something worth considering.

[Zinrius]

Alright, by request of the anonymous user I'm locking this.