Suicidal Feeling

[Zinrius]

Hello there, Zin posting an anonymous problem.

Feeling suicidal, the only thing stopping me is the hurt I’ll put to the ones I love. What can I do to stop this depression? Seems that no matter what things I have in life or how much I step forward in life I can’t seem to fill that depressing chest aching void in my life that wants me to stab myself so I can feel better… Anyone recommend any medications? I don’t smoke weed, don’t think I will since I’m not willing to take any chances with the purchases of it. I know that after a storm comes a rainbow, but it just seems like a never ending diluvium of BS.

[Jake55778]

I'm not good at serious advice... maybe getting them hyped for Skyrim would help?

...Or I could try painting a kitten if that would help?

[Zinrius]

I'm not good at serious advice... maybe getting them hyped for Skyrim would help?

...Or I could try painting a kitten if that would help?

Kitthen, now... Cthulu Demands it.

[697134002]

See a doctor or psychologist.

[aflycon]

See a doctor or psychologist.

I agree; this is serious. Please, see someone for help.

[Zinrius]

See a doctor or psychologist.

I agree; this is serious. Please, see someone for help.

I can't afford no psychologist. Looking for a more homey remedy maybe over the counter kinda stuff or some tips in dealing with this feeling from personal expiriences.

[697134002]

Maybe visit a hospital or clinic, then?

[Milo_Windby]

Go see a docter... even if you have to save up... go see one.

Because going and asking people who might have no idea about medication and then taking that medication is not... NOT a good idea. Medication Can effect different people many different ways and in fact can make things much much worse.

Example would be that my Mom suffers from depression and she was put on a medication by her docter... which went and made her even more depressed and suicidal (She talked with the doctor after this and got something different that did help her)

[Godavari]

Yes, you really have to see a doctor. It may put you into debt to get a prescribed medication or therapy, but that's certainly worth it in the end. We're talking about your life. Even though you may not feel like your life is important right now, it's something you don't get a second chance at. Don't be worried about money. Find a doctor, get better, then pay it all off. You'll be fine.

[Blackadder51]

Fuck the meds man, i have tried some and they can often do worse them good and cost a bit.

A doctor is good but you cant lie to them and you have to be honest

Find an escape, a hobby that can distract you until you heal yourself or come to a conclusion.

This is what I found last year, i was getting worse and worse and just losing my mind so i focused on gaming a lot more which helped but what really got me through was a community, people. I found this place and just the human contact no matter how "fake" it is, is always better then none at all. I not sayin its easy or nothin, depression is horrible and the worst but you cant let it drive your decisions, grab a healthy outlet. Mine is gaming and to a degree here.

I hope this helps, and sorry its a mess of words. If you just want someone to talk to send me a pm and ill be glad to help ( sorry for my timezone:p )

[Skunk_Giant]

Obviously I can't speak personally to you, since you're anonymous, but of all the users I know on here, I would hate for any of them to do anything harmful to themselves.
I can't speak from personal experience, as I have none. I've never had the feeling, I'll admit, but I think the best cure for depression, is talking to someone about it.
It can be a family member, but that may be uncomfortable. You could try a friend, or you could even talk to anyone on here (I'm happy to talk as well if you like).

Try to think about the happiness you've got coming in life.
Think about how great you'll feel that first moment you have a child, and the first moment you have a grandchild.
Think about how great you'll feel when you reach all these great milestones in life.

Suicide's not worth it. You've got nothing to gain, and everything to lose.
There'll be times when you feel horrible, but you just need to push through. Don't bottle things up. Talk to someone when you're feeling really bad, and you'll get through this. Find a hobby, or a job you like. Better yet, see if you can make a job out of that hobby.

Give yourself a project on Minecraft to complete. Grab a game and do your best to play through. Come up with an idea that you want to pursue. Do anything you can to keep yourself busy during those tough times.
Most of all, remember to flip the bad.
Don't think about how bad a situation is, think about how much worse it could be.

Just remember, no matter who you are, there are people that love you, you said so yourself. If those people love you, you must be doing something right with your life.

Remember, you can PM me whenever you want.

[aflycon]

Suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems; whatever is driving you to have this feeling will eventually get better.

Don't do anything to put yourself or others in danger, please. It's not worth it in the long run.

[Skunk_Giant]

Exactly what Afly said.

[makkaal]

This is from personal experience. I have gone through the same.

I can only sign what Blackadder said, as well as the advice to find professional help. Depression is nothing to save money on, especially when you think about hurting yourself.

The basic question that needs answering is why you feel depressed. This is a very complex question as your feelings may arise from various things. It may be lack of self-esteem, it may be some traumatic experiences that you have not yet dealt with. It may be that, as simple and as abstruse it may sound, your endorphin level in your brain is simply lower than in the average person's.
However, only you can give these answers, and to ensure that you can find them, you need professional help, it's as simple as that.

Thing is, I don't know where you come from. Here, basically all medical insurances will cover at least a few sessions with a therapist. But I'm sure that there are ways for you, you just need to look for them. Maybe you can turn to your church or a social hub, for example your college campus or the YMCA.

The next advice I can give you is: Don't beat yourself up. Don't beat yourself up about being depressed, don't beat yourself up because you didn't achieve this or that, don't beat yourself up because others may be better at certain things, because you haven't coped with a certain trauma, because... Whater the problem at the roots may be, never accuse yourself of being weak. You are not. You are very brave for turning to people for help - most people simply don't. I surely didn't for the longest time.

Having said that, you need to realize two more things: a) You are not alone, and b) you have a full right to feel bad. This may sound strange, but hear me out: When I was in my worst days, I felt it was unjust that I was depressed - others had it so much worse than me! I thought I wasn't that stupid, or lazy, or antisocial, so why was I the one having problems? Thing is: Pain is subjective. What you feel is real to you, and it doesn't matter whether Person B has had it rougher. That doesn't make your pain any less real.

Here's a few things my therapist advised me to do, and I'm sure no matter what your problem may be, maybe they'll help you as well.
- Write a positive diary. You need to change your view on life, so you ought to write down all the good things that happened to you. And never say "Nothing good happened today", because then you need to look harder. Don't write down any negative thoughts, especially not when they're not based on fact (and believe me, in 99% of all cases, they aren't).
- As already suggested, find something you're good at and that you can sink your time into. It's very important that you don't do this alone. You need to get in contact with other people (again).
- Do sports, lots and lots of them. Half an hour of running or swimming will do wonders if you do it regularly. The endorphins your body will shed will help you through those bad times.
- Find a valve for your emotions. This could be in the sense of something creative (I for one used to write a lot of poetry), or maybe martial arts. Maybe it's getting involved in that thing you're good at. The point of this is to distance yourself from your general emotional state and sort your thoughts - and possibly, if you're the creative type, rearrange them into words, tones, colors.

I'm separating the last two because they're the hardest to follow through with from what I listed here.
- Change your day. Break out of your routine by getting up half an hour early and do some stretches or watch the sunrise. Go outside for your lunchbreak. Wear different clothes, eat healthier, at least once a day. If you have used a calendar to organize yourself, minimize that. If you haven't, use one.
Your body will recognize the change and is likely to also adjust its body chemistry. This is hard because a routine is defined by being hard to be broken. This will take a lot of effort, but it can be absolutely worth it.
- Get distance to your emotions. This is the hardest thing to do and I'm still working on it. I used to get easily offended by minor things my friends said or did because I always thought I was behaving abnormally. However, this is what helped me change. Whenever I felt a rush of anxiety build up, I had to force myself to stop and say, "Wait, what's happening? Why am I feeling this way?" I opted out for a few seconds, reviewed the scene and realized there was nothing to be anxious about. Again, if you can't find the source, don't beat yourself up about it. If you can, well, then you may have one thing that feeds your depression and you know to avoid it.

One question you could start with: Do you really WANT help? Will you make the effort of your own to get it? Issues like these aren't resolved over night, and they mean a lot of energy and work directed towards the solution. If you can answer that question with a whole-hearted "yes", then you're already on your way to the cure. You already made the first step.
The last advice I can give you is: When you work on this, don't let throwbacks get to you, they're a normal process. The key is to not let go of yourself and sink back into the hole you worked so hard to get out from.

You have a rough path ahead of you, but believe me, it is all worth it.
I wish for you to gather that strength and change whatever it is that holds you down.

[GonnaGiveItHard]

I like the post above mine. Really read through that. Weed will not solve your problem, but when I first got high off weed, I felt like I was someone. I use to have these feelings too. It's hard to get through, but don't kill yourself. That will not put an end to your problems. Talk with your friends about it if you want, my friend is WAY smarter than my mom.