I wrote a ToS for Life!

All other off-topic discussions go in here.
Post Reply
User avatar
Tjololo12
Posts: 338
Joined: 09 Nov 2011, 02:41
Location: Outside Washington DC

I wrote a ToS for Life!

Post by Tjololo12 » 08 Jan 2013, 19:04

I wrote this cuz I was bored out of my mind a few years back. Posting this so that people can read it and get a chuckle out of it.
Spoiler! :
Terms of Service: Life, the Game.

This Terms of Service (TOS) agreement is made between you (player) and United Lifegivers Association (God). Any attempts to break, nullify, or circumvent the following regulatory compliance agreement (rules) is punishable by immediate revocation of your rights to play (life), as well as banishment from Life. The playable classes are broken up into three separate catagories, Animal, Plant, and Other. Each category is broken up into many individual sub-classes, however this TOS will focus on the Human class. For help with other classes, please consult the manual and TOS for the specific class you wish to play. These are located in the Class Identification room in the Character Creation and Generation annex.
The Human class has a high intelligence rating, but a low defense and attack rating, and no magic rating. The tool production skill is given at the start, however it is locked until your intelligence reaches a certain point. For a complete breakdown of skills, as well as the skill tree, please consult page 4,289 of the Human Classification Identification manual, available to you while you are waiting to spawn.
A round of life is begun by two current players (parents) engaging in a New Player Creation action (reproduction). The reproduction skill only becomes available after a certain amount of in-game time has elapsed, and is different for each player. Players will be notified via biological symptoms (puberty) once the designated time frame has elapsed.
Once a new player (child) has been created, the parents are bound by these rules to participate in the tutorial for the child. This tutorial will include an overview of the basic skills, communication styles, and parental playing styles (morals/ethics). The parents may opt out of the tutorial section by transferring their responsibilities to another party (adoption), or simply refusing to participate (neglection). Note that while God has no safeguards in place for a neglection action, other players may have enacted their own local regulations which could result in undesireable consequences. God holds no responsibility for local regulations which fall outside the scope of this TOS, and any consequenses enacted as a result of a player's actions is to be taken up with one's fellow players.
The tutorial section will be considered over based upon local regulation, typically dealing with in-game playtime. Typically this is around 18 playable units (years), however local regulations vary depending on spawn point.
Please note the following, which is a list of rules and consequences, set forth by God.

1. If at any point during the game your heart stops beating, you will be ejected from the game and banned from further play (die). UPDATE: Recently, certain players have invented methods to cancel a pending ban on (rescussitate) a player. These actions are not considered circumvention of the rules, as they were created in the game.
2. If at any point during the game you are injured beyond your avatar's (body's) capability of regeneration, the injured part of your body will be unable to function for the remainder of the game. IE If one or both of your two ambulatory mechanism (legs) is severed, it will not be reattached.
3. Player vs. Player (PVP) action, while not prohibited by God, is generally prohibited by in-game local regulation. Please contact the in-game regulatory compliance board for more information.
4. Depending on your spawn point, you may encounter additional challenges. These include, but are not limited to, mandatory difficulty increases (disease, famine, drought, etc.), unattributed ingame currency deficit/surplus, etc.
5. Each player is required to design their own character, including sex, strengths, weaknesses, and starting skills. However, each character undergoes a randomization process during reproduction, which can change or sometimes negate the decisions made before spawning. This randomization includes everything from hair and skin color to genetic abnormalities. There is a small chance that, during the randomization process, a new player's playtime could be significantly shortened. You agree to not hold God responsible for the length of playtime, and you also agree that you understand that God hold's no responsibility for the outcome of the randomization process.
6. Playtime will be limited to one (1) lifetime. This time may vary based on many ingame factors, as well as the randomization process. The typical playtime for an average Human is 80-100 years. Note: This is not a guarantee, only an estimate. Many factors determine playtime, and you agree that God is not held accountable if playtime is cut short.
7. Each player will be given a survivability skill at the start as a default. This skill was created after many complaints that playtime was too short. The result of this skill is referred to ingame as "fight or flight" response. The skill's effect is to instill in the avatar a desire to survive by any means possible. NOTE: This skill is NOT a replacement for intelligence. Each player is responsible for their own avatar. If a player puts their avatar into a dangerous situation, the success chance of this skill is severely decreased.

This is only a cursory overview of Life and its rules. For a more comprehensive index, please consult the Life: the Game Regulatory Manual's index on page 43,285,928.
For an additional fee, you may purchase a "Cheat Sheet". This sheet includes a listing of all available cheat codes, the best places to spawn, and many other extremely helpful tips. UPDATE: These sheets are no longer available, as players were using them to lessen the experience of other, more frugal players.


By signing this form, you agree that you have read all available literature, including the 14 million page manual for the Human class, the 50 million page Game Regulatory Manual, the 24 million page Prespawn notifier, and the 9 million page Human Classification Identification manual, as well as any other literature not mentioned in this guide.


Printed Name: ____________________________________________
Avatar's Desired Name: ___________________________________
Desired Spawn Point: _____________________________________
Avatar Choice Code (consult your code classification manual): __________________
Signed: __________________________________________________
Date: ______________&________%K___
* Sti is now known as Sti|DTF
<Sti|work> My mouth REALLY cant keep up.
* Daemon is eggy's slave. ;3
<SurvivalBot> [m] robipodsupreme: gently strokes the Tj
<derigin> A little too huge, IMO.
<SurvivalBot> [m] neonraven: just put it in there
<Haxx> You can try and work penis into it if you want
<SurvivalBot> [g] Invunarble: jesus that is big
<Sti|work> Mine is a little over 200m long, I doubt I could get it to work on my planet

I'm a card!

User avatar
Skunk_Giant
Retired
Posts: 2619
Joined: 05 Nov 2010, 23:14

Re: I wrote a ToS for Life!

Post by Skunk_Giant » 10 Jan 2013, 12:44

This is great. Reminds me of something I saw on Bungie.net called 'Life - NEW UPDATE', which was pretty similar.
Oh hey, I have a signature now! 26/07/11


Image
Image
Image
haxxorzd00d wrote:Keep talking, Skunk. Everybody likes you and you're stunningly handsome.

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 49 guests